Traversing

i’m packing for eurotour and im caught on all the stuff i cant pack yet because ill need to use it before leaving

i know i’m going to forget something and its a disaster

im worried im going to have an anxiety attack again

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i was admiring this woman in a restaurant earlier who had a really lovely shade of red hair

and my host mom was like “hey wanna dye your hair red? I did that once!” 

and i pulled out my IDs and showed them my blonde and blue hair from Sophomore/Freshman year accordingly, and my host dad said i looked nice with long hair and my host mom was like “well now you can have red hair if you want.”

and for those of you who don’t know i have like always wanted to be a ginger as far back as i can remember (and i was a ginger for a little while when my hair was at its shortest)

i probably won’t take them up on the offer…probably….maybe…………………. 

i’m going to regret that eventually. 

things’ve been good. my older host cousins (whose ages are like 20-30) are really cool. We went and played pool and visited one of their appartments and went for a drink next to the court house and got home at like 1. Then i watched a movie in the kitchen with my host mom (That one that’s like cats vs dogs and the dogs owner is trying to create a cure for allergies) 

and i was supposed to go hang out with all the girls in like half an hour but i never got told where so oh well. I was going to go into town alone but my host mother just got home while i was typing this…..well shoot. \ o \

have some quotes

is it okay if i treat you like a Christian?

why? do you treat people of other religions differently normally? 

Did you know salt gives you more energy then sugar?

salt is a rock. sugar is a plant. 

and she told a woman selling honey that she was my translator. 

WHICH IS FUNNY

HAHAHAHAHA 

SINCE I UNDERSTAND PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING AND YET SHE CONTINUES TO TRANSLATE THINGS AND IT’S IRRITATING 

mrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

okay done ranting for now.

i just

mrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr….

breathing feels like it’s not helping me..breathe?

and i feel kind of just

poop

just nothing feels good and i feel kind of confused.

i want to talk to people

but it’s like two hours until Josh gets off work and stuff and i don’t know when people are getting home from school

maybe i should just nap

but i have to wake up early for school tomorrow…

i’m halfway through moving. trying to get everything into my new host family’s car, and trying not to freak out, and trying not to think about everything i might miss or what my new life might be like, and carli calls me and decides to tell me something wrong with my transfer of money for Eurotour and i need to fix it right this very instant 

and that sets off an anxiety attack

and i’m sitting there starting to ..i guess hyperventilate, it just felt really weird to breathe and i kept having breath hiccup things

and i was sobbing

and i was like oh yes this is a wonderful first and last impression for my host families

which only made the whole thing worse

and it was just terrible

cleaned my room. Swept it. Mopped it. Floor was soaking, brought the trash out, went into town, got a suitcase that was almost the biggest size the airplane company would let me have (i can fit inside it. Observe.)

which i then filled beyond the brim 

to the point where i had to do the cartoony thing and sit on top of it and bounce up and down while zippering it

and now i think i’ll go make guacamole. 

i feel really efficient for someone who didn’t really sleep. 

three hours until i move. two suitcases, one duffel bag, a laptop case, a messenger bag, a box, a gift bag i haven’t given to Nicoleta yet, and a jacket and some large papers i couldn’t fit in any of the bags.